The Importance of Being Metal: Motorhead-Ace of Spades

1980; Jackson's Studios, Rickmansworth, UK; Bronze

1. Is It Any Good?

Fuck Buttons, huh? That's pretty cool, all cerebral and metaphysical and shit. If you're a dude, though, you'll probably want to listen to this. As a matter of fact, they drafted it into the constitution that you're not officially a full-fledged adult male if you haven't listened to this album three times. There is a time for learning and deepness and there is a time for manhood. Ace of Spades is a time for Kickass.

A lot of things will happen while you listen to this album. Lemmy is going to tell you to fuck him like you were a lizard. He's going to talk about how awesome it is to travel across the country and hurt people and get hurt in fantastic ways. He's going to threaten to bone your wife and then kill you with a hammer just because he is sick of your shit.

He will, in no uncertain terms, detail how much he likes to screw teenage girls.

Gambling is a big part of this album. Drinking is too, along with murder and driving fast. While all of this is going on, you are going to have no less than four parts of your body exploded from Eddy Clarke's solos. Phil "Philthy Animal" Taylor behind the drums is no slouch himself. He doesn't really do much more than show up and do his job, but he does it well.

You're going to want to hit people after listening to this album. Not because you're angry or anything, just because it will seem like the right thing to do. You can dance to a lot of this album as well, but it has to be really sleazy and the chick has to look like something you found in the garage.

Ace of Spades is something of an anomaly in the metal world-it is something that all metalheads can unite behind and praise to the high heavens. I'm pretty sure Iron Maiden is the only other band that can pull that off. Music? Fuck that, dude, this is a way of life. And you're not a part of it, no you are not sir, but for 45 minutes you can pretend that you are. You can throw on the title track or "(We Are) The Road Crew" or "Please Don't Touch" and you'll feel like you're exactly as awesome as the people making this music. And what's great about that is that unlike power metal, which is supposed to give you the same feeling, this shit is something you could technically pull off. That fine-ass elf lady and that big sword and that scary motherfucker of a troll are always just going to be sitting around in your brain, or if you're ridiculously committed to this idea, they might be on a poster or in a book, and you can always visit them there.

Cars, though? Cars are real. Beer is real. Loose women are things you can actually put your hands on. And your fists? Those sonsabitches are attached to you! If you really wanted to, you could quit your job, steal some gym equipment, hook up with every sleazy bitch in town and in no time flat, you'd be living it up Lemmy style. Is it realistic, is it something that sounds like it could be maintained for all that long? Is it even something that'll be fun once you start doing it? Probably not.

But doesn't it sound like it could be?

Basically, what I'm saying is that from a conceptual level, metal doesn't get better than this. Nasty, dirty, low-down and mean. Ace of Spades. Get it.

2. Is It "Influential"?

The title track is basically the Headbanger's Siren: "Stop whatever you're doing and just rock the fuck out for a couple of minutes". If you're in a metal band and you don't follow this code...well, you're probably Slipknot. This album inspired the thrash movement, which inspired basically everything else that has to do with metal. If you're in a metal band and you ain't up for the Ace, you had best order some kind of extra-strength genetically modified diaper, because no human being could possibly be that full of bullshit.

3. Is It A Good Starting Point For Beginners?



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