Today, me and Aisha were talking via internet and the subject of metal came up. It started out as a tiny joke and eventually spiraled into something bigger and funnier. What follows is me and Aisha each adapting the personality of a "serious" metalhead and chatting about the intricacies of the genre. I thought it was funny enough to make an article about-you will have to be the judge as to whether I was correct or not. Bonus friend points to anyone who wants to do album art for any of the albums or bands mentioned.
CJ: I tried listening to Deicide.
I liked it until the guy started singing and then I cracked up.
Aisha: Yeeaaaah.
Deicide encompasses a lot of what I strongly dislike about death metal.
CJ: "Blarf blarf blarf blarf blarf blarf blarf blarf DEATH blarf blarf blarf blarf blarf SATAN"
Aisha: I like how there's a band called Godkiller and a band called Deicide.
"blarfarabar EATING BABIES blarblarblarf HEEEELLL"
CJ: Mankiller and Guydeath and Peopleend and Lifeisover and Deadfolks and Expiration Zeus Devil.
Sorry, I meant Expiration Zeus Devilman.
Aisha: Wait... these are real?
CJ: No, Christ no.
I would totally buy a Deadfolks album, though
Aisha: I like Guydeath, personally.
CJ: They're good for sure, their blast beats are a little weak though.
Aisha: I think the vocals get too choppy at points.
CJ: I like "Slaughter of the Maimed Angels", that album really brought back the Holfendarg Scene for me.
Aisha: And the chorus seems to run throughout the entire song.
CJ: "Dogfuck Pesticide" was a little too mainstream, to my ears-sounds like they were trying to emulate Peopleend a little too closely.But of course no REAL metalhead would call "Kraken of the Misconceived" anything less than a masterpiece.
Aisha: And ever since Lord Rotting Pope bled to death when crucifying himself for the album art of their next release, the drumming's never been the same.
CJ: Yeah, those blast beats just aren't as crunchy.
Although I think the singer's goatstutters really evolved over time.
Aisha: I really liked how they got a sheep to scream on their last single.
They're really adding a lot of innovation to the genre.I heard they actually tortured the sheep in the studio!
CJ: That's awesome! That completely validates everything they do!
CJ: That's awesome! That completely validates everything they do!
Aisha: And then they offered it up to Satan so that the single would sell well.
CJ: 3,000 Norwegians can't be wrong!
Aisha: Then again, they can't sell too well.Otherwise I would stop listening to the mainstream pigs.
CJ: Yeah, then kids will start listening to them and I'll have to go back to the mall to scream at people. And it's not like my mom is made of gas money.
Aisha: Fucking sellouts, it's becoming every band now.
CJ:Fucking metalcore bitches have ruined every album I've ever owned.
They'll never get my Horsemaggot demos, though.
-CJ
lulz
ReplyDeleteSeriously though--Deicide is fucking awful.
Some of the best fun I've had in a while.
ReplyDeleteI love these things I do with you, CJ.
"Although I think the singer's goatstutters really evolved over time." - fucking quality right there.
ReplyDelete