7.12.2010

Things in Music You Rarely See


  • A progressive rock band with a drummer that's just sort of okay
  • A Tool fan with more than a cursory knowledge of Eastern philosophy
  • Two bassists
  • A southern rock band where nobody has a drinking problem
  • A room full of metalheads agreeing on something
  • A rapper who makes a smart decision pertaining to crime
  • A Belle and Sebastian fan who isn't a teenage girl
  • Jazz music where you don't have to strain to pay attention to the entire song
  • Tasteful synthesizer solos
  • An industrial song that, in some way or another, isn't completely upsetting
  • Sharon Osbourne doing or saying anything that isn't completely reprehensible
  • A high-school anime club alumnus who doesn't listen to Dream Theater
  • Someone who can coherently explain the appeal of the Dirty Projectors
  • A sorority girl who's intimately familiar with the music of Steven Reich
  • A man with a ton of Ipecac Records releases who you aren't afraid of being killed by
  • A skateboard with a Genesis sticker on the bottom
  • Rick Rubin producing something that surprises you
  • The term "dance-punk" being applied to something that deserves it
  • Anyone anywhere who still consistently listens to the Barenaked Ladies
  • A Led Zeppelin song that's not better after three shots of whiskey
  • Five consistently incredible electronica albums
  • A large group of non-Brazilians who are excited for a Manowar concert
  • A girl who likes indie music and absolutely refuses to make you a playlist
  • A Shins concert completely devoid of humor
  • A context where Jack White couldn't benefit from a swift kick in the pants
  • A "Best Of" list where you don't get the urge to roll your eyes at least once
  • Robert Christgau saying something sensible
  • A Pitchfork Media review that doesn't feature five paragraphs of history before they actually tell you what the album sounds like
  • Axl Rose with a haircut that everyone can get behind
  • A teenage Radiohead fan who doesn't have an opinion
  • A keyboardist and a guitarist who agree on the direction of the band
  • A self-professed Roky Erickson fan
  • A guitarist who describes himself as "classically trained" who isn't at least slightly boring
  • A real-life Kansas devotee
  • A sober roadie with healthy self esteem
  • A shoegaze song where everyone seems to be having a great time
  • Two men, a stack of funk albums, and no weed
-CJ

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