The Importance of Being Metal: Motley Crue-Too Fast For Love

1981; Hit City West, Los Angeles; Leathur Records

1. Is It Any Good?

I'm not going to lie to you: I've been putting off this entry of The Importance of Being Metal for a reason. Here's a quote from the very first installment of this series:

"...[Motley Crue is] sort of like a parallel-version of Guns 'n Roses, in that instead of being the kind of trashy guys that pee off the roof, punch cops and basically make kickass parties, they're the sort of dudes who'll fuck the drunk girl on the couch when she's passed out. And then puke on her."

Do you know the significance of that quote? The significance is that it shows that I think that Motley Crue sucks, in a big way. For the most part, I still do.

Fuckin' A, man, did you read that last bit? "For the most part". What does that mean? Yeah, you know what that means, don't pretend you don't. Here's the worst thing ever, and I'm about to type it:

Too Fast For Love, an album by Motley Crue, is not actually that bad. It's sort of good.

Wow, I think I just disowned myself.

Here are the bullet points:

  • The bass is really consistent throughout, giving most of the songs a nice stomp.
  • The lyrics are ridiculous a lot of the time, but honestly? They're no more ridiculous than a lot of Rolling Stones lyrics a lot of the time, also.
  • "Live Wire" fucking rips.
  • "Merry-Go-Round" is catchy.
  • "Come On and Dance" is an awesome strip-club song.
  • "On With the Show" is just cheesy enough to work.
  • Vince Neil's voice is endearing, if not actually good.
Here's the crux of the matter, I think: This album was completely self-financed. While later albums had a completely obvious, repulsively superficial sheen to them that rocked about as hard as a cat with osteoporosis, this one was made by a bunch of young, sleezy assholes who quite honestly didn't have a Goddamn clue about what they were doing. While every other album they made could be described the same way, this is the only one that really keeps that spirit of authenticity, that swagger that says "I'm drunk, I'm horny, let's fuck and can I sleep at your place, I left my keys in Tyler's car". It's as far from necessary as you can imagine and it has close to no staying power, but it's more than possible to squeeze some fun out of Too Fast For Love.

I should qualify by saying that this is still not really a "good" album, per se. Most of the album drags along, and even the stuff that doesn't is offensively stupid. When you've got lyrics like "When she laughs, she's got the power of a child in her eyes/And when you cry, now/She'll hold you like a man's supposed to be held", well...a good bassline doesn't really help that. See the cover? This album sounds like that cover. That's the problem of the whole thing, is that you're never unaware of what you're listening to, and it makes you feel like a jackass. In a very real way you do kind of get stupider listening to this music, and I'm not sure if that's worth a few good anthems.

If there was ever an album that needed a "proceed with caution" label attached to it, it's this one. Like the cheap sex and cocaine that it talks about, Too Fast For Love's pleasures are fleeting, and like the above mentioned vices as well, when it's over you might either feel like you have a disease or like you need to get your stomach pumped. That said, it's not a completely unrewarding venture, and if you're feeling brave it might be worth checking out just to add a few songs to your workout playlist.

2. Is It "Influential"?

I think it was one of the albums that spearheaded the glam metal movement. So in that regard, fuck this album completely, and forever.

3. Is It A Good Entry Point For Beginners?

That's tough to say, because even though it's definitely accessible, it's also extremely grating at points, and as you may have been able to figure out, it's completely retarded in every way. Vince Neil also sounds like a baby sometimes, and that'll probably piss you off no matter how entrenched in the genre you are. Best to help a newbie sidestep this one, just to be sure.


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