CJ's Best Of The 00s Volume 7: And When You Believe,They Call It Rock And Roll

61. Lords-The Sword(2008)

It's tough to pick a best song by the Sword because all of their songs are fundamentally the same, and that's not a detraction. You play a Sword song and you know what you're going to hear-Conan the Barbarian references, monsters, witches, etc. Oddly, enough, "Lords" is the only song on that album that's just about fighting, not so much about displeasing evil gods or trolls or what have you. The Sword gets a lot of shit for being "hipster metal", which is a bullshit term invented by assholes to make people who are just starting to get into metal feel bad for not liking Gorguts to be their first exposure to the genre. But the fact of the matter is, people don't like the Sword because they're a training-wheels band, people like the Sword because they're really fucking fun. And for what they are, the lyrics are pretty amazing: "Turn back your horses before it's too late/There'll be no safe crossing this night" and "Men kneel in temples of madness/False prophets spread discord and fear" are both examples of really cool, classic fantasy-novel type imagery. Plus, "Lords" has one of the best metal riffs I've ever heard, bar none. "Lords" might not be the most ridiculous song on Gods of the Earth-that distinction goes to "Fire Lances of the Ancient Hyperzephyrians"-but it's definitely the most awesome and probably the most metal. As Deep Purple member Roger Glove once said, "Heavy isn't about volume, it's about attitude", and in that regard The Sword is one of the most metal bands around.

62. Atlas-Battles(2007)[find a higher quality version, the song deserves it]

How Battles hasn't been drafted to compose the soundtrack for a big-budget Hollywood sci-fi movie is utterly beyond me. Space Rock is a term that can get thrown around pretty liberally, but "Atlas" literally sounds like what rock and roll would be if it was invented by people from Neptune and not Earth. It's incredibly fun, but it's fun without for a second losing a sense of otherworldliness- there's never a moment where you're not reflecting that this song doesn't sound like anything you've heard before. It's immaculately produced, which lets every member of the band shine through completely-everything from the grinding bassline to the enormous factory sounds to the chipmunk vocals coalesce to make "Atlas" sound like a hit single from Jupiter. It's oddly alluring for something so bizarre, and it makes the eight minutes fly by. Experimental, crazed and refined to a T, Battles should be pushing the space rock barrier for a long time to come.

63. Stress Rap-Cannibal Ox(2001)

"You love New York, but New York don't love you." That's basically the bottom line to Cannibal Ox's very brief but very excellent body of work. "Stress Rap" is an interesting deviation from most rap songs, as it's not so much about being aggressive against other people, but holding your own against those that would aggress you. That doesn't mean punking out, though-Cannibal Ox makes it very clear that you do them as bad as they would do you, should the occasion arise. That's a quality consistent with the music of Cannibal Ox. They never waver, for one second, whether it comes to the frigid production or Vordul Megalon's borderline furious delivery. Cannibal Ox is warrior's music, for those that would fight the shadows.

64. Crowd Chant-Joe Satriani(2006)

For real? You want me to analyze "Crowd Chant"? No. No fucking away. Here, how about a synopsis? "Crowd Chant" is a song where Joe Satriani plays a short solo and then the crowd mimics the solo with their voice. This happens a several times for a few minutes. If that's not your kind of thing then you won't like this song. It's my kind of thing.

65. Daft Punk is Playing at My House-LCD Sound System(2005)

Whoever invented the term "dance-punk" and applied it to LCD Sound System needs to be destroyed. As a matter of fact, "prefix-punk" needs to be abolished, completely. There is nothing punk about applying prefixes to things, as a matter of fact that's about one of the least punk things you could hope to do. "Art-punk?" What the fuck is that? Is that punk that's more artful than other punk? Fuck that, and fuck you if you think MGMT is somehow more artful than Minor Threat. Even "Art-rock" pisses me off. All rock is "art-rock" if it was made with honest intent and for the sake of itself. "Post-punk"? Yeah, I can really see how Joy Division is part of a spinoff genre from The Clash. Fuck you.

"Daft Punk is Playing at My House" is a really great song.

66. Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!-Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds(2008)

Nick Cave has never sounded cooler than he has on "Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!", and for Nick Cave that is no small potatoes. The dude's been in the business for more than 30 years but he hasn't lost an ounce of swagger-a parable about the Biblical figure of Lazarus waking up from his grave, getting addicted to drugs and winding up in an asylum? If there's a more Nick Cavey idea for a song out there then...no, actually, there isn't a more Nick Cavey idea for a song anywhere, which is probably why it wouldn't work that well without Cave and his merry band of lunatics preforming it. The main organ riff pounds away, the guitar solos are killer and Cave makes a convincing case for why the dead should stay dead, even if it is hilarious and exciting when they don't. It'll get stuck in your head for days and it gives you the feeling that you're in a Cohen Brothers movie, and if that's not your idea of praise than I don't care to know you.

67. Sex On Fire-Kings of Leon(2008)

Nonsensical lyrics or no, it's pretty great that we can have a good rock song that charts high that isn't sung by a disaffected ballsack. That's all.

68. The Beast and Dragon, Adored-Spoon(2005)

Spoon makes rock and roll that's somehow cooler than regular rock and roll. It's like Nick Lowe's sharper, more feedbacky cousin. If I could smoke a cigarette to one song in the world, it would probably be this one. I really wish more people would listen to Spoon, because even the people who like Spoon don't really listen to Spoon. They're kind of like the Melvins in that way, in that everyone has heard of them and everyone likes them but nobody seems to own an album by them. I think that's part of their appeal-they're aloof without coming off like a bunch of assholes. It's not exclusionary cool music, like Of Montreal can be. You listen to Spoon and you feel like you can be as awesome as they are. Spoon is for everybody. They're just...fuck, man, they're great. They make great songs and this is one of their greatest. You should get one of their albums so I can talk to you about them outside of "Spoon is awesome". People wonder what happened to all the good, solid rock and roll and it's right there under their fucking noses. It's right here.

69. Things I Did When I Was Dead-No Age(2008)

No Age is one of my least favorite bands that I find myself listening to more than I expect. I think it's because of songs like "Things I Did When I Was Dead" that just sort of creep in and stay there. Stuart tells me their stage shows are ludicrously crazy and I have a hard time believing it-the music is so introverted and mistrusting. Especially in this song, which has a very signal-like quality, the way they repeat that one note over and over again. Technically these guys are considered punk of a sort, and I can actually kind of see it, in attitude if not in actual technique or style. Just getting out there and doing what you're doing without any kind of production values or skill...that's what punk's all about, and if it sounds good so much the better. This sounds good.

70. Turn Tail-The Young Knives(2008)

We finish this project with a song by the Young Knives, one of the most distinctly British groups I've had the pleasure of listening to. It's not just that the singer's voice is so blisteringly U.K, it's their whole attitude about thing, their stiff upper lip in times of crisis. On "Turn Tail", Henry Dartnall sings "We're all slaves on this ship, this ships sinking/We will not reach the shore" and he doesn't seem all that distressed by it. That's the great thing about this song, they talk about all these awful things, all these things they can't get their hands on and stuff that's eluded them and they somehow manage to not only make it sound like it ain't no thing, it even sounds kind of romantic. The string arrangements are very smart, practically folding in with the rest of the core rock instruments. "Post-punk revival" my ass-this is power pop in the grand British tradition. And even if they are full of themselves, that means that they've got the pomp to back it up.

-CJ

CJ's Best Of The 00s Volume 6: Nobody Knows You and Nobody Gives a Damn Anyway

51. Suite 1: Storm-Godspeed You! Black Emperor(2000)

Godspeed You! Black Emperor is a group that's nearly as self-evident as the Beatles at this point, in that opening your mouth in an attempt to find something new or profound to say about them is a fool's errand. They're a critic's worst nightmare, as they're impossible to analyze without sounding like a pretentious fruitcake and the long and short of the analysis would be "OMG THEY'RE SO GOOD IT MAKES ME FEEL FEELINGS" anyway. That said, I think that "Suite 1: Storm" is the best song they put out this year because it has the widest range of emotions-starting at quietly preparing for something great to happen, then sweepingly epic, then somberly epic, then suddenly dissonant, and then nearly post-apocalyptic in their dreariness. The God-Kings of post-rock have done a lot of things before, but they've never been quite this versatile in the span of a single song.

52. Time To Pretend-MGMT(2008)

"Time To Pretend" had the misfortune of not only being an amazing single on a comparatively weaker album, it was also overplayed and overexposed to a hideous degree. That doesn't make the line "The models will have children, we'll get a divorce/Then find some more models, everything must run it's course" less funny, or the final, tragic "We'll choke on our vomit, and that will be the end/We were fated to pretend" any less powerful. That didn't make the synthline less catchy, and none of the hype and fawning attention and sneering dismissals that this song got later made you like this song less the first time you heard it. It was smart, it was pointed, it was a searing portrayal of how our generation thought the older generation did things. It was the final nail in the coffin of the idea of the rock star, and it was the best single of the decade.

53. The Space For This-Cynic(2008)

Traced In Air was so fucking amazing from beginning to end that it was hard to pick just one song that represented the best of them this decade. "The Space For This" probably comes the closest, though. Cynic gets it-they know how to do equal parts epic, cosmic and psychedelic without coming off like a bunch of dorks. They're possibly the most lyrical metal band working today, showing off their abilities to stretch the imagination with lines like "A bundle of thoughts on a lonely ghost pursuit/Lost inside the space for this". Their technical abilities, of course, are absolutely outrageous-some people think that compositionally, they're actually closer to jazz then they are metal. A lot of progressive metal bands come off as Rush worship, robbing each other's ideas at every possible turn, but no other band on earth sounds like Cynic, and no other song covers their many different facets on such a brain-turning roller coaster ride like "The Space For This". While man-children of the world bond over The Flower Kings and Symphony X, Cynic is going to be in the "real music" conversation for a long time to come, because they're one of the few bands saddled with the "progressive" label that's actually progressing the genre.

54. Stream of Consciousness-Dream Theater(2003)

What's the biggest problem with Dream Theater? That they're retarded, right? And what's the most retarded thing about them? The very first thing that pops to mind? The guitar wanking, yeah, but even more so, the vocals. The lyrics. If James LaBrie had been the first American to sing the Gospels we would be living in a majority Hindu country right now. "Stream of Consciousness" does the smartest thing possible and kicks that shit right out(James LaBrie, not the Hindus-let me make a stand right now: I like Hindus). And you know what? As an instrumental band, Dream Theater is not fucking bad at all. My algebra tutor once said that his band tried playing "Tom Sawyer" without any vocals and it actually sounded pretty amazing. Do you hear that, 95% of prog bands? Play your instruments and shut the fuck up!

55. Battery Acid-Queens of the Stone Age(2007)

Sounding closer to industrial than alternative rock, "Battery Acid" is a monster of a song. Blasting out with one of the most panic-inducing guitar lines in memory, the song beats along at a tremendously consistent pace and doesn't let you catch your breath for even a second. It's got sort of an uber-mensch vibe to it, like a marching song they might play in a coal mine run by cyborgs. "Robots! Robots! Brainwashed babies!/ Blood from a leech, spoken rabies!/Spastic, plastic, Battery Acid!", announces Josh Homme like a senator on the podium, and then you crap your pants. The hammer-on-metal sound effects used as a rhythm section definitely don't help, making you feel like the song has you trapped in a very cruel but very exciting sonic cage. Very few songs get under your skin like this one does, and no other song can make you as excited about it as "Battery Acid". "Every masochist gets a turn." No shit, guys.

56. The Wedding Dress-2 Cents(2006)[song does not exist on the internet; ask Jack Betterly-Kohn if you wish to hear]

Metalcore is not the most celebrated of genres-one might say it is one of the least celebrated genres in the entire musical world-but you can do good things with it if you're clever enough. Take "The Wedding Dress" as an example. A song about a widow attending the funeral of her husband while wearing her wedding dress because "The dead don't rest for the beautiful", it's surprisingly literate. The singer's voice gets a little yowly and annoying, as per the metalcore tradition, but beyond that it's good stuff-the guitar work is incredibly solid and catchy and the song carries a gravity with it that's rare for songs in this genre. Metalcore is never going to be anything more than a passable genre on a good day, but if songs like "The Wedding Dress" are any indication, it doesn't have to embarrass itself completely, either.

57. Blues From Down Here-TV On The Radio(2006)

I think the reason I like this TV On The Radio song more than others is that is has more presence than the other songs on Return To Cookie Mountain. It marches along, it sounds dramatic. "Carry me through these dark, infested waters" sounds more serious than you'd think it would when you have what sounds like a chorus of ghosts backing you up. It sounds like a really eerie-yet-dancable church hymn that they would play at the First National Congregation of the Disaffected. Maybe the most important part is that the song is called "Blues From Down Here" and he actually sounds like he's singing from below you. There's a weird kind of happy desolation to this song. It is a song that Stuart might call "uniquely enjoyable".

58. We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed-Los Campesinos!(2008)

I don't think another song this decade had a higher amazing lyric/minute ratio. "I'm trying to be sexy, biting at the air that falls in front of me." "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, fondness makes the absence longer." "Oh, we kid ourselves there's future in the fucking, but there is no fucking future." "I taught myself the only way to get along in love is to like the other slightly less than you get in return/I keep feeling like I'm being undercut." This sounds dumb, but the energy combined with the bratty nihilism? This shit is the theme song to my generation. To say nothing about how this song is going to be stuck in your head for days or how smart the string arrangements are or just how important this song sounds, and also, just how can a person make a "go get 'em tiger" song that has by it's own admission nothing to go get? I don't know, they did it, it's here, listen to it, it's true.

59. I'll Believe In Anything-Wolf Parade(2005)

"I'll Believe In Anything" is an incredible last ditch effort of a love song, as the title implies. "I'll do whatever you want, I can be the guy for you, I'll believe anything you say". That kind of love song. The kind that makes you ache for the person singing it, 'cause he's just not going to get it and he's not going to let this thing stop hurting him. The vocals on Apologies To The Queen Mary don't always work, but here they sound so desperate and crazed that you can't help but be moved by the poor sap that the song is about. It also doesn't hurt that it sounds like the world is falling down all around the two of them-crashing symbols, an organ that sounds like it's exploding from the inside. For all intents and purposes, this song is the singer's apocalypse, and the desperation, heartbreak and fear that goes along with emotional Armageddon is captured magnificently.

60. Kid On My Shoulders-White Rabbits(2007)

Before White Rabbits learned that there was more money to be made in sounding like everybody else and put out It's Frightening, they debuted with Fort Nightly, a dark, quirky little gem of an album that should have made a much bigger splash than it did. "Kid On My Shoulders" signaled what you were in for when you turned the album on-it's got that kind of "classic evil" vibe to it, like Neil Gaiman's interpretaion of Lucifer in The Sandman. It's very classy and very seductive with the way it lures you in. It's hard to decipher exactly what the song is about from the lyrics-it seems like it's about trying to find the witness to a murder in order to shut him up, which adds to the suave/spooky vibe that the song has going on. A very simple but very elegant bassline drives the song and the guitar makes this song sound vital, like something very secretive and dangerous is happening. The piano goes that extra mile by practically painting the song in '30s cinema black and white. By the time the refrain "We held our tongues about it/Someday we'll laugh about it" rolls in you're already completely trapped by the song's dark enchantments. They may have already gotten rote since this song was released, but while "Kid On My Shoulders" was shining there was no indie band that was more exciting and had more potential.


-CJ

CJ's Best Of The 00s Volume 5: One Shot To Keep Me High All Day

41. Run Into Flowers-M83(2003)

Dead Cities, Red Seas and Lost Ghosts is more or less what it sounds like when Godspeed You! Black Emperor hits the club, and in a beautiful alternate reality where that description leads to profitability, "Run Into Flowers" is a #1 hit single. For a song with only one line-"Give me grace and chemicals, I want to run into..."-it sure does stay in your head. The synthlines and ghostly guitars warp and swirl around each other, turning into one moving, haunting vision. Closer in essence to trip hop than it's rather confusing label of shoegaze, "Run Into Flowers" is not just a gorgeous experience but a spiritual, psychedelic approximation of synesthesia that can only be called spiritual when all is said and done. Intelligent and heavenly, the bar for reflective electronica music has been set almost impossibly high by this song.

42. Biblical Violence-Hella(2002)

Math rock is not to everyone's taste, it never will be, but holy Jesus, those drums? What the fuck? That song is fucking maniacal. It's two dudes, Spencer Seim on guitar and Zach Hill on drums, just tearing ass. Just fucking going completely insane. I'm sure there are a bunch of music school terms you could use to describe this song and why it's brilliant on a technical level, but I'm going to use one of my own: "Biblical Violence" sounds like a robot having an orgasm. You're welcome.

43. Silver-Ozzy Osbourne(2007)

Ozzy Osbourne albums have a long, proud tradition of sucking, but Black Rain was Ozzy's admission that he had essentially quit trying, and his music has never been better because of it. Take "Silver" as a prime example. It's about the most basic kind of old-school metal song you can think of-lyrics about thrillseeking, a widdly-widdly-widdly guitar solo, a crowd of meatheads shouting "GO! GO!" during the chorus. That's what's sort of excellent about the song-it doesn't really consider itself to be anything more than it actually is, and that admission, combined with the thrashing tempo, make it sort of a thrill. There's a real "semper fi do or die" kind of aura to "Silver". There was no other song released this decade that made me more excited to lift weights.

44. One Armed Scissor-At The Drive-In(2000)

Progressive punk sounds like a losing gamble at best, but remember, At The Drive-In was halfway composed of the lunatics who would later form The Mars Volta, and if there's one thing that these guys are not it's musically conservative. Cedric Bixler-Zavala is more than willing to squeal out abstractions like "Yes this is a campaign slithered entrails in the cargo bay"(???) and Omar Rodriguez-Lopez's clean, eerie guitar tone only add to the "something's not right here" feeling of the song. The clean production was a staple of the entirety of Relationship Of Command-it made the whole album feel like it was bouncing inside a very tight rubber cube, the sounds trying their hardest to get out. "One Armed Scissor" is unique in that it took that production, took the bizarreness of the lyrics, and made a bonafide radio hit out of it. When a freaky prog-punk song can crack onto a list of Billboard's top singles, you know you're living in interesting times for music.

45. Twilight of the Thunder God-Amon Amarth(2008)[video is fucking awesome]

A couple installments ago I said that no other song in the past 10 years was more epic than Mastodon's "The Last Baron", and I stand by that. "Twilight of the Thunder God" definitely deserves an honorable mention, however. "Thor, Odinson, protector of mankind/Ride to meet your fate, your destiny awaits" is the most badass chorus in memory, and the fact that it's sung in a deathgrowl makes it all the more awesome. And if we're being honest, that's really the only thing that separates Amon Amarth from a power metal band. The only reason they're allowed to sing about Norse gods and trolls and dragons and crap without being called fruitcups is because they sound like a group of big, hairy shitkickers(they actually are-look up a picture of them). My friend James was wearing a dragon T-shirt recently, and he said that his logic was that he was "taking it back from the nerds", that he wanted it expressed that no, dragon fights aren't all that nerdy, they're actually hella cool. I feel sort of like that's what "Twilight of the Thunder God" is-it's dragon slaying music as preformed by a dragon slayer.

46. Tokyoto-The Velvet Teen(2006)

Man, there really has never been a better decade for noise rock, or even just...experimental pop, which might be a better phrase for "Tokyoto". It's dissonant, for sure, and it's chaotic as hell(the drums in particular are all over the place), but it's tender, above all things. If the singer's voice wasn't so fuzzed the melody would almost be closer to something you'd find in a Warren Zevon song than a noise rock jam. The crackling noises, the videogame beeps, those nutty drums I mentioned earlier and that soaring guitar riff, in a different song, wouldn't work, but sequenced together they sound like they're forming a wonderland, a favorite childhood stuffed animal's dying hallucination. Even the wandering lyrics sound like they're completely in love with the world, but the singer sounds more accepting of the beauty in the world than he is completely enamored by it. Confusing and possibly even off putting at first, "Tokyoto" is a song that graciously rewards repeated listens.

47. Idoiteque-Radiohead(2000)

Radiohead makes way better techno than they ever did rock and roll, so when they finally picked a side and stopped awkwardly straddling the middle (hi, OK Computer!), they turned out their best album, Kid A. That said, most of it is still composed of dull soundscapes and bleepty-bloopty type twaddle, but "Idoiteque" is a killer song. It's the only song on the album you can dance to, and among 3 that won't instantly put the listener to sleep, but it's not great just because it's environment is strictly "meh"(not a big fan of Radiohead, as you can probably tell). It's a cold, creepy song that sounds like it's about to burst into the shakes-Thom Yorke's panicked, paranoid vocals contrast with the thumping mechanical flow, which makes the whole thing kind of sound like the inside of a crazy person's head. Importance isn't generally an indicator of quality, but it's good to know that future musicians probably paid more attention to this song than "Treefingers".

48. Anna Lee-Strung Out(2004)[quality is horrid]

I'm not really going to set out to justify myself on this one. It's basically whiny pop punk about relationships. Mostly I just like it because it's catchy and it feels sincere. Dude's not making his feelings up and I respect that a bunch. This angst tastes angsty and that taste is pretty good in small doses. I'm kind of a sucker for angry teen romances in the first place, so chalk this bitch up to "guilty pleasure", I guess. I ain't gonna feel no guilt from it, though.

49. Happy With What You Have To Be Happy With-King Crimson(2003)

The Crimson Kings are still rolling through the music landscape and still showing other prog bands how it's done-they were doing it when Rush threatened global music aesthetics and they're still around to embarrass Dream Theater. For "Happy With What You Have To Be Happy With", though, they took a break from being total geniuses in the traditional sense and decided to make fun of nu-metal. Adrian Belew's excited shouts of "I guess I'll repeat the chorus! We're gonna repeat the chorus!" near the end are basically hilarious, and even though the style of guitar playing Robert Fripp adopts is intentionally mocking nu/alt metal's chugalug chords, he still manages to pull off a guitar solo that's more interesting than all the Symphony Xs or Glass Hammers of the world combined. You know what? I am happy with what I have to be happy with...'cause I have King Crimson!

50. Is It Medicine-The Knife(2003)

Of course this one had to show up somewhere-the chorus of the song is this blog's tagline. "Is It Medicine" is classic Knife-really happy but incredibly paranoid. It's bouncy and sexy and nervous and I think it'll bite if you get too close. That's the Knife.

-CJ

CJ's Best Of The 00s Volume 4: A Parallel Universe, Perhaps, Could Be The Perfect Scene

31. Arriving Somewhere But Not Here-Porcupine Tree(2005)

Porcupine Tree is the closest thing we've got to a modern day King Crimson, and it seems like they'll only get better as time goes on. Similarly to Modest Mouse(and in truth the only similarity to Modest Mouse), Porcupine Tree had been making albums since the early '90s and languished in obscurity for much longer than should be considered decent, but were picked up in the middle '00s. "Lazarus" is the song from Deadwing that most people will recognize, but "Arriving Somewhere But Not Here" is without question the centerpiece of the album. Connecting part one of the "it's-a-ghost-story-but-maybe-not" plot of Deadwing to part two, "Arriving" manages to be expansive and airy while still retaining a sense of urgency. The song is most likely about being killed(through car crash or suicide, in the context of the rest of the album-it isn't exactly clear which it is, though), the palapable relief in Steve Wilson's voice when he sings "All my designs, simplified/And all of my plans, compromised" only adds to the spooky tension of the song. Porcupine Tree proves that "good taste" and "progressive rock" are by no means antonyms, and that even a generally unpalatable twelve minute runtime flies by if you've got a good story to tell.

32. Hurt-Johnny Cash(2002)

I listen to this song once about every six months because I am not emotionally capable of doing so more frequently. I'm not analyzing this one. It's too special.

33. Two-The Antlers(2009)

Hospice qualifies as maybe the most depressing, emotionally crippling concept album since Lou Reed's Berlin-the story of a nurse who falls in love with an emotionally abusive patient and can't stop kicking himself in the teeth for failing to make her better and, eventually, failing to keep her alive. "Two" is the song where the main character learns that the woman he was treating has died. It represents the rest of the album nicely because it's a song about failure, a song about how there's no way to stop anything that happens to you or anyone, no real way to fight your environment or your body or your family or your thoughts. It's a throatpunch, and it builds magnificently. The vocals sound so present that you could touch them, but you wouldn't want to because they would shatter like glass and they mesh perfectly with the heart-stoppingly painful lyrics. It's the corpse of a dead bird presented in a precious, fragile vase. Indie music has a habit of trying to make nihilism sound gorgeous, but until "Two", the stakes were never quite high enough to really pull that off.

34. Strange Times-The Black Keys(2008)

The Black Keys, in general, are kind of dull and antiquated, but they can pull off a monster of a song when they feel up to it. "Strange Times" might be blatant classic rock worship, but you can't say it doesn't pull it off well. A simple, hard, catchy riff, thump-stomp-thump-stomp drumming, cool sounding but vaguely nonsensical lyrics...all that's kind of why you liked the '70s to begin with, right? So why not this?

35. D Is For Dangerous-Arctic Monkeys(2007)

Post-punk revival is a losing game even on a good day of the week, as the Arctic Monkeys found out with Everything People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not. With Favourite Worst Nightmare, though, the Monkey's stepped up their game in a big way-catchy riffs, ridiculous drumming, dancability and charmingly bratty lyrics abound, and "D Is For Dangerous" condenses the entire Arctic Monkeys experience superbly. Clocking in at 2:17, the song does it's job efficiently-gets your mouth grinning and your ass shaking, then leaves you open for the next track to work its magic even more. Lyrics like "D is for Delightful, so try and keep your trousers on", along with the zippidy-doo cymbals and downright sexy bassline, prove that the Arctic Monkeys know what makes a good dance-rock song. The transition from their first album to their second was pretty big, so let's hope they don't change up their style too much in the future. (Note: Apparently they've already made a third album and it sort of blows. Lame.)

36. Angels Don't Kill-Children of Bodom(2003)[audio quality is horsecrap]

You don't exactly have to be a brain donor to write a power ballad, but it does take a certain level of creativity to be able to make one while still being totally metal. It's not a pioneering song in any real sense, but it's rare to see a band as lunkheaded as Children of Bodom try something different. The music is slowed down, the keyboard is almost soft in places, the lyrics are about a girl, but the vocals are as feral as any other CoB song. That's the important part-the vocalist is ripping it up like he normally does, almost as though he's in the wrong studio and the rest of the band is recording a completely different song. It's an interesting dichotomy. But the bottom line is:If you were a serial killer you could bone to this song. That's all the reason I need to give it two thumbs way up.

37. Dopethrone-Electric Wizard(2000)

Dope! Throne! In this land of sorcery!

Dope! Throne! Vi-si-on through T.H.C!

Dope! Throne! Holy Feedback it will free!

Dope! Throne! Threeee wizards crowned with weed, yeah!

Rise!

Rise!!

Rise!!!

RISE!!!!

RISE!!!!!

RISE!!!!!!!



DRUH NUH NUH, NA NUH NA NUH, NUH NA NUH, DRUH NUH NUH, NA NUH NA NUH, DRUH NA NUH,
DRUH NUH NUH, NA NUH NA NUH, NUH NA NUH,
DRUH NUH NUH, NA NUH NA NUH, DRUH NA NUH

38. Darts of Pleasure-Franz Ferdinand(2003)

"Darts of Pleasure" was Franz Ferdinand's debut single, and right out the gate they were already rolling up and smoking post-punk contemporaries like Interpol and Bloc Party. The line "You can feel my lips undress your eyes" is demonstrably meaningless and from any other singer would sound like a pretty fucked up thing to someone, but lead vocalist Alex Kapranos actually manages to make it sound pretty sexy. Where most other Live-105 mavens took a pretty serious stance on hooking up with girls back in the day, Franz Ferdinand remembered to have fun-the last minute of the song, shouted in German, literally translates to "I am known as Super-Fantastic!"Lightening up isn't a hard thing to do, and making that adjustment put Franz Ferdinand head and shoulders above their peers in a time when this kind of music would soon dominate everything from the radio airwaves to the hippest college freshman's dorm room.

39. Dateless Losers-Reel Big Fish(2002)

Whenever I hear "Dateless Losers" I think of my high school's anime club, and that's not nearly as mean of an association as you'd think. A lot of the shows that they would play in the club would be vulgar, over-the-top romantic comedies about guys who can't hook up with anyone for the life of them-think Judd Apatow with less pop culture references and more jokes about lonely masturbation. They were fun, they were funny, but there was a real sense of depression underneath each one, not so much because of their predicament, but mainly because whenever the camera was on one of these dateless losers for more than a couple of minutes, you would think to yourself "Huh, that guy actually has a pretty lame personality". Reel Big Fish sort of has the opposite problem, in general-they've got a big, friendly, wonderful personality, but musically they tend to be sort of lacking. "Dateless Losers" manages to get the whole shebang-the big personality, the fun and the sadness, plus a surprisingly intricate, totally ripping guitar solo. It's bright and dreary at the same time, and you'll wish you empathized less with the lyrics.

40. On March the Saints-Down(2007)

Down puts out an album roughly once between every major catastrophe that happens in this country, and the amount of fucked up things that happened to the members of this band between Over The Under and A Bustle In Your Hedgegrow is nearly unprecedented. This came out after Dimebag Darrell, friend and influence to many of the members of the supergroup, was killed, and after the band's hometown of New Orleans was ravaged by Hurricane Katrina. And while it may not be the angriest song on the album, the line "There's no such thing as a good time for bad luck" probably rings the truest. Guitarist Pepper Keenan and bassist Rex Brown prove why Down has earned their genre label of sludge metal, as the riffs in this song are so slow and so chunky that you almost have to wade through it.If they made an album more than once every presidential administration, Down would be one of the biggest names in doom. They aren't the heaviest band in the genre, but shit if they aren't one of the most powerful.


-CJ

CJ's Best Of The 00s Volume 3: Come On, Chemicals!

21. Heimdalsgate Like A Promethean Curse-Of Montreal(2007)

Of Montreal's appeal has always been that the sole recording member, Kevin Barnes, is an absolute shithead, and that he somehow manages to make you like him because of it. We can't give him too much credit, though, as it's pretty hard to dislike the hideously titled "Hei"-no, fuck that, I'm not typing that whole thing out again. The song displays just about the happiest brand of frustration you'll ever encounter, detailing what it's like to not be able to write due to bipolar mood swings. It's fun in a kind of painful way to hear Barnes plead "Come on mood shift, shift back to good again" throughout the song, because of course that's the exact sort of problem an asshole like him would have. Writer's block has never been quite this danceable, and Kevin Barnes has never been quite this likable. I almost feel bad about calling him an asshole earlier. Almost.

22. Little Time Bomb-Kind Of Like Spitting(2002)

This is a song about a guy with anger problems, mood swing problems to be more specific, who feels betrayed by a girl he loves. It's preformed by one guy who can't sing very well, playing an acoustic guitar. It's also a cover. Most songs that can be described like that suck total ass in a big way, but if you can't relate to the line "He holds your letters but he can't read them/As he fights this loneliness that you call freedom", as sung by that guy who doesn't really know what he's doing, than what the fuck are you even doing here?

23. M79-Vampire Weekend(2008)

Vampire Weekend has made plenty of snide, snotty, bourgeoisie, ironic, entitled, pandering pigshit in their day, but "M79" isn't really one of those songs. Yeah, the line "Racist dreams you should not have" still makes me want to smash a window, but the song is so charming that you can practically forgive them of their retarded twee fancies. The string section recalls early Genesis, and the whole thing is very playful. It's a pleasant song, but not in the sense that it overwhelms you with it's happiness like Passion Pit-it's just kind of glad to be with you. Plus, it's got an almost Victorian feel to it a lot of the time, and being a fan of prog rock I'm basically crazy for that shit. It's not really a good song by any means, but it sure is fun to listen to, and when I have to write something lighthearted and fanciful, this is always the first song I jump to.

24. Ashes of American Flags-Wilco(2001)

Truthfully, in opposition to the majority of people who enjoy indie music, I regard Wilco as being, in general, utterly toothless, conservative and uninteresting in a scene filled with far more notable acts. That said, "Ashes Of American Flags" gets just about everything right. Yeah, the lyrics are still the same kind of "We don't know what this means, but just assume it works on a few levels" thing, but it's done so artfully that it doesn't come off as blather, as it tends to do with Wilco. As a matter of fact, "I wonder why we listen to poets and nobody gives a fuck" is one of my single favorite lines of the decade. The guitar line practically floats above the rest of the song and, unlike elsewhere on Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, the use of sound effects doesn't come off as obnoxious. If every song on that album achieved the same goal that "Ashes of American Flags" did-being a ghostly musing that sounds hurt almost to the point of being indifferent-maybe the word "overrated" wouldn't be hurled around so much when it comes up in conversation.

25. The Last Baron-Mastodon(2009)

Q: Was a more epic song released this decade?

A: No.

26. Fake Empire-The National(2007)

Ready for a bold proclamation? Matt Berringer is the best singer in music today. He's definitely not the most technical and he doesn't have the best range, but nobody else can drive a point home in quite the way he does, using such a singular style. "Crooning" isn't exactly the right word for it-it's soft, in a certain way, but it's a little too distant to be romantic, a little too loose to be elegant. He almost comes across as ghostly, in that it seems like he's watching his own songs more than he is participating in them. Of course, his voice isn't the only thing that makes "Fake Empire" a wholly unique listening experience. Brian Devendorf is something of a genius when it comes to catching, gripping drumwork, and even though he doesn't even appear until the last half of the song, he makes that segment uniquely his own. The soft, pondering piano drives the song, though, make no mistake, and when you couple an incredibly capable horn section with Devendorf's drums, you've got a song that is not only beautiful sounding, but also oddly professional. That's the best thing about The National-not another indie group this decade sounded more in control of their own sound, and none of the sounds produced were more confident than "Fake Empire".

27. Jihad-Slayer(2006)

For all the bullshit metal has to put up in terms of claims of being derivative and boring, the first group to have the nuts to make a song about the 9/11 attacks from the perspective of the terrorists was a thrash metal band, and not only that, but those most elder of metal statesmen, Slayer. Let's be honest-if someone had told you in the mid '90s that Slayer would still be relevant in 2006, you would've been like "What, you mean the 'tards that just put out Diabolus In Musica??" and laughed your ass off. And while it's true that much of Christ Illusion's lyrics read like the enraged spittle of a student fresh out of his first World Affairs class, "Jihad" hits the nail right on the head. Metal works best when it's vicious and uncompromising, and "Jihad" gets that down in terms of everything from the lyrics to the musicianship-after a brief warm up a practical gale storm of righteous fury hits the listener, as well it should, coming from the perspective of someone who's murdering in the name of his God. Lines like "I will see you burn to death screaming for your god" and "Slit the throat of heathen man/Let his blood dilute the water" are in many ways par for the course when it comes to metal lyrics, but in the context of being sang from the viewpoint of an Islamist extremist they become very real and extremely potent. Combine that with Kerry King and Jeff Hanneman's best riffs in decades and Tom Araya's throat-ripping barks and you have a truly ruthless song on your hands. Relevancy is all well and good, but it wouldn't be much of a metal song if you couldn't fucking lose your mind to it. This spirit was what metal was created to represent.

28. I Woke Up Today-Port O'Brien(2007)

This edition of this feature is pretty fucking twee, isn't it? I apologize for that, it probably won't be as egregious in the future. Still, what's fun is fun and "I Woke Up Today" is a fun fucking song. It's rhythm section is based on hand claps and stomps, which is generally something that makes me furious, but Port O'Brien fit in at a music festival as well as they do on the set of a Sesame Street episode, so it basically works. If there was one thing this decade was good for, it was producing music that was happy almost to the point of embarrassment. It's not an amazing development for upping your cred, but anyone who listens to music for that reason to begin with can get fucked. The bottom line is, "I Woke Up Today" is going to make you smile, and you're just going to have to deal with that however you can.

29. When We Rock-PROkid(2006)

It's a big Goddamn shame that African hip-hop is almost universally ignored in the West, because that's where some of the best rappers from this or any musical age are coming from. "When We Rock" explains the situation pretty well by itself: "'Cause when we rock we rock, when we pop we pop, when we drop we drop that hot shit nonstop". That's practically all that needs to be said, but in case it wasn't enough, PROkid's fierce flow, rapid-fire delivery and slitheringly raspy voice drive the point home. With his manic energy, intelligent manipulation of music found outside of the rap canon(can you remember the last time you heard a rap song with a memorable guitar line?) and lyrical prowess, PROkid deserves to be picked up by the mainstream as soon as possible. Real intensity is a rare commodity in hip hop today.

30. The Outsider-A Perfect Circle(2003)

Few songs, if any, are quite as unsympathetic to suicide cases as A Perfect Circle's "The Outsider". Consider the final lines of the song: "Should you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere/Do it somewhere far away from here". Yowch. Still, there are plenty of songs about being fed up with someone's crap. What makes this song unique is that it cuts through a very specific type of bullshit that many other songs refuse to go anywhere near-the big crybaby, the guy or girl who claims that they'll push the knife down "any day now". Certainly, the person who has crafted the art of "picture perfect numb belligerence", as Maynard James Keenan puts it, is a hard subject to tackle in media and in real life. For that reason, this song is pretty remarkable-no, not every little thing is worth throwing a fit over, and while you're at it put the pills back in the cabinet, you big baby. A Perfect Circle may not be as experimental as Keenan's parent band(Tool), but "The Outsider" proves that they don't exactly pull their punches, either.

-CJ

CJ's Best Of The 00s Volume 2: If I Cross Myself When I Come Would You Maybe Recieve Me?

11. How I Could Just Kill A Man-Rage Against The Machine(2000)

"How I Could Just Kill A Man" is the rare cover that manages to eclipse the original in almost every aspect. Though certainly not the most vicious of gangsta-rap songs from the early '90s, Rage Against The Machine scrounges for every last scrap of brutality to be found in Cyprus Hills' classic and then amplifies it a thousand fold. When B-Real raps "Young punk had to pay", you agree with him. When Zach De La Rocha does the same, you believe it. Truthfully, it's not one of Rage Against The Machine's more aggressive songs, and that's what makes it so scary-you've never heard the band sound quite this casual when talking about murder before. It doesn't scream it's intentions, it growls them. And the way the song sheds parts of itself off in the last 11 seconds until it's nothing but drums and vocals is maybe one of the most uniquely cathartic sequences in music. "How I Could Just Kill A Man" will end you, and you will thank it for the pleasure.

12. Gravity Rides Everything-Modest Mouse(2000)

If you're a dipshit, the most cruelly ironic twist of fate this decade was finding out that Modest Mouse's turn to the mainstream was also one of the best moves they could have made for bettering their music. The truth of the matter, though, is that The Moon and Antarctica is still not a mainstream record by any stretch of the imagination. Pretty much just "Gravity Rides Everything" and a couple other songs ever had a hope of being played on the radio. It's not hard to see why, too-this song is incredibly easy to fall in love with. The lyrics are optimistic without being happy, per se, and the guitar tone that Isaac Brock gets is nothing short of ethereal when it's not pleasingly folky. On a personal level, this song has gotten me through a lot of hard times and I think it'll continue to do so for many, many more years to come. Simple beauty is an easy thing to overlook, but "Gravity Rides Everything" practically forces you to stop and acknowledge the cool comfort it brings. Indie music this decade-any music-had the deck stacked against it for almost 10 years, because this song came out at the beginning of the decade and right out of the gate, the bar couldn't have been raised higher.

13. Heavy Artillery-Mr. Lif(2002)

Mr. Lif has to be one of the most underrated members of the alternative rap movement, and I can't for the life of me figure out why, especially with songs like "Heavy Artillery" under his belt. This song proves all by itself that you can sound fierce as hell without explicitly talking about killing people-the sped-up military drumline would accomplish that by itself, but when you combine it with Lif's sharp-but-smooth flow and jagged voice, you have a rap song that can peel the paint off the walls as good as any death metal number. Mr. Lif practically reinvents what it means to be aggressive in the rap world, and he didn't even have to mention his gat to do it.

14. June-Goodbye Gadget(2006)

If anyone could possibly make the argument that punk isn't dead, it would be by showcasing songs that do something new, like "June". Oakland's own Goodbye Gadget have crafted a pop-punk song that avoids the baggage that comes with such a divisive label by making it a smart, pointed story about a woman who feels trapped in her own life-the woman, in this case, being June Cleaver. It's a song about a woman who knows that she's kind of worthless, who could just as easily be any woman in any kitchen anywhere in the country. It's not typical punk fare, and the string arrangements jump out at you even more because of it. If Goodbye Gadget ever hits it big, it'll be because of sharp, catchy, tight numbers like "June".

15. Lay Low-My Morning Jacket(2005)

My Morning Jacket might be one of the most overrated groups of the decade-their album Z in particular-but that doesn't make "Lay Low" any less wonderful than it is. One of the least experimental, most straightforward pop songs on the aforementioned Z, "Lay Low" is a song that recalls a certain kind of boyish love, the kind that says "I know you don't think much of me, but I know I'm the guy for you and I can prove it". The charming, romantic tone of the song leads into one of their best solos, making this song one of the few times My Morning Jacket really earns their praise as a "guitar band". Soft and confident, "Lay Low" is a song that deserves to be played at outdoor socials and barbecues for years to come.

16. Bonafied Lovin'-Chromeo(2007)

If there's a reason that I'm not as averse to dance music as I used to be, it's probably because of "Bonafide Lovin'". The song is just so fucking fun-there's nothing about this song that doesn't realize that it's a kind of cheesey '80s throwback and it loves itself for it. The synthline practically grabs you by the arm and asks you to dance with it, and if you find yourself refusing I recommend you check to see if you still have a pulse. The theme of the song is awesome in an old-school way, too-it's been too long since the days of songs about being a man and stealing a woman away from an unworthy lover were in vogue. In that regard, Chromeo is following in the steps of their electrofunk forefathers. I can't anticipate anything but a good time coming from walking with them.

17. Drunken Lullabies-Flogging Molly(2002)

No one combines fury, sorrow and partying like the Irish, and nobody since the Pogues has done it as well as Flogging Molly. "Drunken Lullabies" is a song about finding yourself fighting even after you've learned long since that you have nothing left to fight for, and it screams all the frustration and bemusement that comes with that condition as though the band was standing right in the room with you. Lines like "Has the Shepard led his lambs astray/To the bigot and the gun?" bite hard, and the song is so energetic, so delightedly wrathful that you feel like fighting for something yourself, even if you don't know what it is. That's what "Drunken Lullabies" is-a battle anthem for an army that doesn't exist, and may never have existed to begin with, but leaves the aftermath of every battle it fights in it's wake. You can smash something or you can cry or you can do both, but you'll never know why you're doing it, not really. "Drunken Lullabies" is that feeling contained in a jagged little bottle, and it goes down a lot better than you think it should.

18. Banks Of The Deep End-Gov't Mule(2001)

An elder statesman of a band forming a side-project that turns out to be better than the original grouping is about the best sort of problem that you could hope to achieve. The fact Gov't Mule took all the best parts of the Allman Brothers Band is only icing on the cake, as they decided to go in a completely different songwriting direction than their parent group. It's hard to tell exactly what "Banks of the Deep End" is about, but a good guess would be that it has something to do with the death of former bassist Allen Woody. It's rare to hear a southern rock song that can be described as "moody", but "Banks of the Deep End" fits that bill in a big way. It comes across as sincere because of how stripped down it is-there are no string or woodwind arrangements like there might be from other bands trying to show their grief. It's just a few old men on guitars, drums and organ. The line "On the banks of the deep end/Where I lost my best friend" rings true as much because of Warren Haynes' resigned croak as the lyrics themselves. It's a hard rocking but mournful glimpse at a group of aging men who lost one of their best friends, and even if the song didn't stick in your head due to the classic, fundamentalist musicianship of the band(which it does), such a glimpse by itself turns this from a good song into a truly memorable one.

19. Fight Test-The Flaming Lips(2002)

The Sot Bulletin might have been the album that set the Flaming Lips off towards their new(aka Good) direction, but it was Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots that turned them into the synthpop/electronic indie band to be beat, and that much was obvious from the first song, "Fight Test". Within the first 20 seconds of the song, it became impossible to deny that you were listening to something magical-nothing else on earth can capture such a dreadful feeling, that of having missed the opportunity to be with the love of your life, and turn it into something that sounds so wondrous. That's the genius of the song, that it takes such compelling, joyful soundtrack sensibilities and focuses them around the most relatable chorus of the decade: "I don't know how a man decides what's right for his own life/It's all a mystery." It may be, but when you hear this song you'll feel like you're a step closer to solving it.

20. Yeah Sapphire-The Hold Steady(2008)

"Yeah Sapphire" contains not one but two of my favorite lyrics of the decade-the one in the title of this blog post and "'Cause dreams, they seem to cost money, but money costs some dreams". The Hold Steady has an incredible talent for being able to get to the emotional core of whatever it is they're playing about and laying it bare in the simplest, starkest terms possible. For that reason they were one of the hardest bands for me to pick just one song to represent. "Yeah Sapphire" has gotta be it, though-the story of the eternally wrongheaded boyfriend wanting to get back together with his old flame is a classic, and the agility of the lyrics, mixed with the dire situations the speaker finds himself in, turn a series of bumbling mistakes into a tender, bonafide classic.

-CJ

CJ's Best Of The 00s Volume 1: I Hope The Fences We Mended Fall Down Beneath Their Own Weight

Some people are saying that this was a terrible decade for music. Those people suck, in a big way. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the 00s were the best decade for music since the '70s, which...doesn't mean a lot if you don't like the '70s, I guess. The point is that there was a ton of amazing music released over the past 10 years, and I can prove it.

What's coming up are my personal favorite 70 songs of the decade-a box-set I would assemble if a market for best of the decade stuff existed and I was allowed to assemble the tracklist.
This will go on for 7 days, and hopefully after the week has passed you'll agree with me: The '00s were killer when it came to music, if nothing else. Thanks for all your hard work, Mr. Bush!

1. D.G.A.F.L.Y.F-Super Mash Bros.(2008)

Mashups don't typically work incredibly well, simply because they're either too boring or too schizophrenic. "D.G.A.F.L.Y.F" managed an impressive feat, though-it took three songs that I/a lot of people hate, "Crank That(Soulja Boy)", "Sandstorm" and "Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!!" and turned it into an incredibly fun dance number. Hearing Soulja Boy rap over the beats of a Eurodance song has to rank as one of the funniest musical moments of the decade. Though possibly the least significant of any song on this list, Super Mash Bros. crowning moment also happens to be one of the funnest.

2. No Children-The Mountain Goats(2002)

Speaking of hilarious songs, "No Children" is certainly the most bleakly hysterical song to come out of this decade, and one of the best examples of dark humor in popular songwriting ever. Probably most famous for it's use in an episode of Adult Swim program Moral Orel, "No Children" is a blistering tirade from a husband who has just. Fucking. Had it with his wife. Biting, unsuppressed rage is what the song is based around, but it's the lyrics that'll stand out in your mind. Jabs like "I hope our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us/I hope we come up with a fail safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us" and "I hope you blink before I do/And I hope I never get sober", combined with John Darnielle's deadpan delivery and a misleadingly upbeat piano line, make "No Children" one of the most unforgettable songs released this decade, if not the past 20 years. You'll wish you had less to laugh about.

3. Little Secrets-Passion Pit(2009)

Make no mistake, you will feel disgusted with yourself when you listen to "Little Secrets". The goofy falsettos, the blaring synths, the child chorus, the feel-good lyrics-everything about this song is an attack on good taste that's meant to make you feel as rushingly happy and jumpy and sugary as it possibly can. It is a Joy Blitzkrieg that misses the brain entirely and heads squarely for the chest. And that's why you hate the song: Because it works. And that's why you love the song: Because it works.

4. Empty Walls-Serj Tankian(2007)

I've never had a lot of use for System Of A Down, but I rather like Serj Tankian by himself. As far as modern radio rock goes, "Empty Walls" has practically been a breath of fresh air. Make no mistake, the lyrics are utter nonsense and you're not going to come away from this feeling like you've learned something new about yourself, but it has all the staples of a classic anthem. Serj's voice is dramatic almost to the point of hilarity, but he keeps it just grounded enough to stop you from laughing. It also barely holds to a verse-chorus-verse-chorus structure, almost seeming to degenerate as time goes on. It's not uncommon to hear "dark" music released for mass consumption these days, but rarely is it placed in such an odd, almost purposefully meaningless context. All things told, "Empty Walls" was probably the most interesting song played on the radio during the second half of the decade.

5. The Eruption-Emperor(2001)

The two things needed for a great black metal song is intensity and drama, and Emperor had always carried both in spades. By 2001 they had moved in a decidedly more symphonic, progressive direction, and the greatest triumph of this new direction was "The Eruption", the opening track off of the (for some reason) controversial Prometheus: The Discipline of Fire and Demise. The chorus of "And he beheld the ruins/Of an empire torn apart" is delivered with captivating gravity, a quick operatic interlude in a firestorm gnashing, snarling drums and vocals. It's a pummeling song for sure, but the orchestral aspects also serve to make it tragic sounding in the sense of ancient Greek literature, making the album title that much more appropriate.

6. Machine Gun-Portishead(2008)

"Booming" is not a word typically used to describe Portishead-at least, it wasn't until 2008. After hearing nothing out of the band for more than a decade, "Machine Gun" tore out of the gates and blasted all expectations of the group from here to God knows where. Focused around one haunting drum loop, Beth Gibbons' haunting vocals run almost parallel to the rest of the song, creating one of the most melodious interpretations of paranoia that can be remembered. The way that the loop fractures every 5 seconds holds attention without being jarring and stays the same until the last 1:30, at which point the listener is absolutely mesmerized. Few songs in this or any decade are quite so captivating, doing so much with so little.

7. Black Betty-Spiderbait(2004)

Question: How do you cover one of the most enduring blues/marching songs of all time without ripping off someone who already has covered it and making sure the listener isn't bored with it before they even turn it on? Answer: You strip it down to spare parts and just fucking go. Spiderbait's cover of "Black Betty" is a simple affair: Distorted guitar. Distorted vocals. Words. Kickpedal. Banjo. Combined, they make for an intensely catchy song that rips like no other version can manage. The reason Ministry's cover of the song failed was because they tried too hard to make it sound like every other Ministry song. Spiderbait's version is it's own entity entirely, almost sounding like any hard-rock band could have done it if they thought of it first. But they didn't. Spiderbait did, creating the definitive version of the song-yes, even more so than Ram Jam's more famous cover.

8. The Grudge-Tool(2001)

This song basically covers Tool in a nutshell. Lyrics that are pretentious or deep, depending on your point of view? Check. Drummer using a ludicrous amount of toms and triggers? Check. It's fucking long? Check. If Tool isn't your thing, I think it'll be hard for you to imagine a worse song than "The Grudge" being released this or any decade. Personally, though, I think you're missing out. Spirituality from a cosmic standpoint isn't something that's discussed much in music, and when it is the reflex is to write it off as juvenile. Fuck that, though-Tool's appeal is only kind of in the lyrics. They create an atmosphere of spiritual aggression that's only comparable to possibly Pink Floyd or Black Sabbath and the lyrics, the "Saturn comes back around, lifts you up again" type lines enter into that. I don't know of a better song that exemplifies that quality than "The Grudge"-in other words, I don't know of another song where it's possible to meditate or headbang to. The rage comes off as sincere and the way the song travels from beginning to end makes it something of an experience. Tool is one of those bands you just have to go with, and if you let yourself do that you'll find "The Grudge" to be one of the most satisfying songs in your library.

9. Reborn-The Living End(2006)

If you asked me to explain why I like this Living End song and not a whole lot of others, I don't think I'd be able to tell you. It has the same qualities as most of The Living End's output-bad lyrics, generic instrumentation and all. This one catches me a little bit, though. It grooves, it rumbles a little more than it feels like it should. It menaces without being menacing, and it's got something of an anthemic quality to it, despite being about nothing in particular. I don't know, like I said, I'm having a hard time with this one. I like it. That's the long and short.

10. Floor Shaker-Boris(2008)

Man, I don't know what the fuck this song is about, but I know that I feel it. Boris are the masters of all they survey, and I don't really know what...this is-speed metal, noise rock, stoner rock?-but I know that I love it. It feels important as hell, it feels like the soundtrack to a race to stop the end of the world. Those drums are some of the most intoxicating I've heard in a long time and the riffs are nothing short of inspiring. I don't know what kind of music this is, I don't think anyone can seriously classify Boris at this point, but whatever they are, they are uniquely amazing at it, and I hope they keep it up for many, many years to come

-CJ